The Parenting Pod

I am so stinkin' tired. I don't know how much more of this I can physically take. For the second night in a row I got like 4 hours of sleep, most of that broken up by DD waking in the night. She doesn't whimped, she doesn't whine. She suddenly snaps awake and starts screaming bloody murder. I've tried delaying to go get her, but the result is a hysterical baby, and a toddler who wakes up from hearing his sister cry. I've tried letting her sleep next to me, but that doesn't help. It just results in neither me or DD sleeping well. This morning I was so tired I nearly woke up in a rage. 6:15 am, which wouldn't be bad except I couldn't get her to sleep before 10:00, and she was up 4-5 times. I lost track. I told DH I want to just run away screaming, and leave someone else to deal with her. I hate feeling this way but I am so tired. She has not STTN since she was 4 months old - 4 months ago. I understand her not STTN. I could handle her getting up once or twice. But, she never lets me get more than 2 hours of sleep straight and I am beginning to understand why sleep deprivation is used as a torture mechanise.

I've eliminated caffeine from my diet. I've cut out 80-90% of the chocolate I eat. I have reduced dairy intake. If anything, her sleeping is getting worse. Her eczema has pretty much cleared itself up. I mean, maybe she is teething again, but how will I know until I see a tooth popping through? I am about ready to throw the towel in with breastfeeding, even though in my head I really don't think it will help her sleep at all. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to do CIO, but this child just won't sleep. I'm at my wits end. Sometimes DS was a poor sleeper, but he would always give me a night here or there where he did well. The most sleep in a row I've had in 4 months was 5 hours.

I know you're BF-ing, but will she take a bottle?

I'd suggest you go to bed early and let your DH give her a bottle (or 2!) to let you get some rest. Turn off the baby monitor, sleep in a guest room if you have to. I doubt one night will affect your supply much.

(((hugs)))

I wish I could come over today and watch the kids so you could take a long nap.

April, I'm so sorry. I can "hear" the stress, frustration, and exhaustion in your words. I've been there and I know the level of exhaustion and "being at your wit's end" that you're feeling. My kids were miserable sleepers as infants and they didn't "whimper" either, they were the blood-curdling screamers that you mentioned with Malia. I was always so envious of people who said that their infants would wake during the night, whimper, fuss for a minute, and then go right back to sleep. My kids were not like that AT ALL as babies!!! (I nursed them each for a year.) I know that I don't know you, but I soooo feel your pain.

It sounds like you've ruled out most of the things that *may* be causing her to wake up. The rest of it is "unknowns". I guess teeth are always a factor at any age. I know that this is not always the most popular opinion, but I believe that around this age, children become "master manipulators". I am not suggesting that they have devious or evil intentions by any means, just that they learn how to "work the system" to their favor! Malia is a smarty-pants! She knows that the more she cries and the louder she cries and the longer she cries, eventually Mom will come and get her. She's no dummy! The only thing that worked for my kids was CIO in order for me to regain my sanity! Literally, I felt like I was losing my mind! I know that you are not a fan of it and I COMPLETELY respect that. I'm just praying that someone has some really good suggestions for you because I have no other ideas. I wish I had some great words of wisdom....

Vent all you need to. And remember...."this too shall pass". It will and it always does. Hang in there, April! PM me if you ever need to talk.

I know you don't like CIO, but that was what worked with my DD too. At around 8 months she just stopped sleeping. She woke up every 1-2 hours at night. I could not take it. DH and I were exhausted and fighting all the time. This went on for 2-3 weeks before we decided to try CIO. We had incredible improvement after one night and she was STTN by the 2nd night. She has slept through the night every night(except when she was sick or teething) since then.

If you have been responding to her since birth, she probably doesn't know how to put herself back to sleep. It isn't something every kid is born knowing how to do. Some need help to learn. And unfortunately that sometimes takes some crying. I know that is an unpopular opinion, but I firmly believe it. I have read, I think in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, that you let your child cry when you are teaching them can't eat 50 cookies or that they have to share, etc sometimes it also takes some tears to teach them that they have to sleep at night.

Well, here is the thing. Starting at 8 weeks of age, Malia would get a little fussy around 8 PM, I would lay her down awake and she would go right to sleep on her own. She STTN and everything. Then suddenly at four months it just stopped. I have no idea why. That is why I know she is able to go back to sleep on her own...or did she forget how to do it? In the car she sticks her thumb in and soothes herself. I know she can, she just won't do it at night! You are probably right that she knows if she cries she gets a response. I am just with exhaustion. Thanks for your words! You've given me lots to think about, and some much needed virtual hugs!

At 8 months she shouldn't need to eat at all at night so not nursing in the night won't affect your supply but I would try pumping if she will take a bottle and letting DH deal with her for a night or having someone come over to let you get a nap. Dana did this for a while; not screaming bloody murder but was STTN and then just stopped and would wake up literally 10x a night sometimes! Talk about a stressed mommy! Do you play music in her room? Dana is so used to her music maker that she points to it when I bring her in her room for naps! Its a life saver seriously...

I feel your pain and honestly don't like CIO with babies because if she's hysterical it'll only get worse. Its better to try and calm her right away. Ask for help! Its not a bad thing!

Zoey did this a few times and it was teeth, or she was hungry.

Sometimes if I leave her and dont nurse her it gets VERY bad, so I just nurse, and back to bed. No more than 3-5 mins. But if I DONT nurse her, forget it, shes pissed and itll be hell to pay! haha. Anyway, teh times I couldnt calm her down I gave her tylenol and the next day noticed she had a tooth coming in... so could it be teeth?

Ive heard of taking a long time for teeth to pop in but 4 months? Dana was teething for about 1.5 months and that's the longest I have ever seen or even heard of!

April I just wanted to give more and keep that you figure it out soon or she just stops!

It's a very normal thing for babies to experience a major sleep setback at around 4 months. Both my girls did it, and Maggie didn't STTN until 15-16 months. Maya still doesn't at 16 months (but has gotten MUCH better recently). I didn't do anything (well, anything that worked, anyway), I just dragged myself out of bed every night and nursed her for 2-3 minutes, and she went back to sleep. Same with Maya- she nurses for a couple minutes and back to bed. She's down to once a night or so, but for a LONG time there (months on end) it was 3-4 times/night. Which sucks when my day starts at 5:30 to get ready for work.

What are you doing when you get up with her? Nursing her and putting her right back to bed? Does she go right back to sleep?

Well, I am really fortunate that DH gets up when she cries. He gets up and first tries to rock her. He then tries to figure out right away if DD needs comfort or nursing (which she usually does). He brings her into me, she nurses (and sometimes she doesn't even nurse) for maybe 2 minutes and falls asleep in my arms (not while nursing). Then I take her and lay her down. She usually wakes up for a second, rolls to her tummy and goes back to sleep. I never have to rock her or anything in the middle of the night.

DS did a similar kind of thing and then suddenly began STTN at 14 months. But he would at least give me a day or two a week where he slept GREAT and I could recover for the restless nights. DD just gets up constantly, and I just need one or two good nights.

April. Your situation sounds like mine with Cody; I was nursing him to sleep though and he would wake up (as all people do normally) but instead of going right back to sleep he actually NEEDED me to soothe him and nurse him... I tried letting him CIO as his Ped recommended and it didn't work - he didn't STTN for the whole 1st year until he weaned himself right after his 1st birthday...

I went through the same thing with Dana around 6-7 months when we went on vaca to FL... She was literally awake more than she was sleeping at night and I was miserable! When we got home 3 wks later she continuted to wake at least 5x a night sometimes up to 10x a night! I stopped nursing her when she would wake and just held her even if she was still crying; I knew she wasn't hungry because she was eating solids all day long and after about 1 week (if that) she started STTN and will wake occasionally when she loses her paci and all I have to do is go find it and give it back to her then she's good...

Just wanted to send a hug! Your situation sounds miserable, and I know how exhausted you must be! I have heard from many parents that sleeping with the second child is just a tough situation, since you don't want to wake the first child! AH! I was never good with CIO either, but I did eventually steel myself and give it a go. I had to look at the clock. First I waited five minutes, the next time ten minutes, then fifteen, then after 20 I gave up and did whatever needed to be done. From what you've said, you're doing more and better than I would think to advise. Thank goodness your dh is on board to help during the night. Hope you get some relief soon!

OMG you guys! I think I figured out the problem! (Well, at least part of it!)

Malia seems to be quite sensitive to any dairy I consume. I went without dairy for three days, and she slept AWESOME (still up once or twice a night, but not bad!). I sprinkled some cheese on my dinner last night, and she was up every 45 minutes. Also, she does better if she doesn't nurse to sleep. If we put her in her crib drowsy, pick her up when she cries, put her back in, pick her up when she cries, etc., she eventually goes to sleep on her own and does much better. But, even when she nurses to sleep, she does MUCH better when I am not consuming dairy!

I'm glad you are getting some sleep! Caroline has always been a poor sleeper too. She uses me as a pacifer at night/ nurses on upwards to 30 times So I hear you on functioning with little sleep. hugs it is hard.