The Parenting Pod

More Families Opt for Multigenerational Living
Posted March 2, 2010 12:01 PM
By Kim Palmer

Have you ever thought of home sharing? Not with a stranger, but with your parents, or in-laws, or grown children. If you're contemplating multigenerational living -- sharing a home with an adult family member -- you'll have lots of company.

That living situation is increasingly popular, according to data and anecdotal evidence.

Between 2000 and 2007, there was a sharp 67 percent increase nationwide in the number of parents living with an adult head of household, according to a U.S. Census Bureau spokesman. (In Minnesota, the increase was 65 percent.)

http://www.thirdage.com/family-matters/ ... nal-living

I am actually in this situation now, although that is about to change. We are currently living with my mom and dad, my 22-year old brother, his fiance, and their 12 month old daughter. Honestly, for us, it has been a purely economic decision and maybe that's why it hasn't worked so well. Also, it's not "our" house, it's my mom's house and we just happen to live here.

I think so long as everyone is on the same page about finances, boundaries, and household responsibilities, it can be a very beneficial living arrangement both financially and by allowing generations to learn from one another and be closer than they otherwise might have been. I know my daughter adores her grandparents and aunt & uncle, and when we move in the next month or so, she will miss them all terribly. She is only 9 months older than her cousin and they are extremely close as well. More like sisters than cousins, really.

We did move back in with DH's parents when we first moved back to Indiana. We were there about 6 months while we looked for a house.

We are actually contemplating starting to look for another house in the next few years that will accomodate the ILs in addition to our kids. I'm keeping my eye out for houses with "in-law suites" (bedroom, bathroom, and extra sitting room on the first floor) as we did learn from our previous experience that we would need separate spaces to retreat to in order to cohabit peacefully under the same roof. I assume at this point that we'll have to have DH's parents move in with us in the next 10 years or so (or sooner) on account of health needs, so yeah, it's a reality that we're planning for.

Honestly, yes. I miss my family so much, and if we were in a situation where we'd each have our own spaces in the house, I would totally do it. The money we'd save would be great too.

I would live with my mom while I finished my degree if I could. I don't know that I could live with any of my brothers, except the youngest one.
A friend of mine lives with her mom - her mom technically owns the house, but she & her husband pay the note. Her mom assists with bills. I think they both COULD live separately if needed, but it seems to work OK for them. Her mom gets the kids from school everyday (she is retired now, but even when working as a teacher she was able to do that). It also allows both of them to do things when needed and not have to worry about household responsibilities. Her mom has a separate "suite" in the back - living area, bedroom & large bathroom, plus her own entrance (not that she uses it).
Sure, they sometimes have issues with each other, but for the most part it works.

NO WAY!!!! I love my parents but I would go INSANE if I had to live with them. My in-laws wouldn't be as much of a problem but I'm sure my MIL and I would disagree a bit when it comes to certain things. We'd have to have separate living rooms AND kitchens if I was going to survive.

nope nope and NOPE!!! I wouldn't live with my parents or my IL's......well maybe MAYBE my MIL......but I'm not sure how long I could do that for.....don't get me wrong I love them but in the case of my parents there is a reason I moved out and step MIL drives me crazy on a short visit.....I know the only one DH would want to live with is his mother......I like living with just me and DH and someday our children though.....we have talked about letting MIL stay here if she ever moved back until she found her own place.....maybe if she had her own suite in our house it would work.....but I just don't know.

We're not there, but are considering it at some point. My mom is considering moving in with us in the future. She insists on helping out with finances, although we would not require her to do that. She lives alone now, but I know there will likely come a day when she can no longer do that, both physically and financially, and when that happens she will be welcome in our home. I know there will be some adjustments to make for everyone, but I think we will gladly make them.

When we first moved to San Antonio my entire family lived in my sister's house for six months. She had a 3-bedroom, 2-1/2 bathroom house and lived alone. She let us move into the upstairs and have full run of the downstairs during the day, everything except her master suite. We paid her a monthly fee to cover utilities, we bought the groceries, and I did all the cooking and cleaning since she works full-time. It helped us tremendously rather than having to rent somewhere temporarily until our house was built. It helped her, too, as she enjoyed the home-cooked meals and having her house clean when she came home at night. I think we all enjoyed our time together, altho' I don't think any of us would have wanted it to be a permanent thing.

Two of my sisters are now sharing an apartment, and in the process of having a house built together. They are splitting all expenses, have worked out who will be responsible for what in the new house, will each have their own master suite, and the entire upstairs is being built just so they have a place for their kids/grandkids to come visit. I don't think it would work for me, but they are pretty excited about it. It will enable them to have a house that neither of them could afford on their own, and they won't have to be alone (both are divorced with grown children).

No way!

DH and I have talked about his parents and what we'd do/offer when one of them dies (he's in his early 70's, she's in her mid 60's, live in the same 3br 1ba 2-story house from 40 years ago)... I couldn't live with MIL, but possibly could FIL. She's a packrat, buys too much, is a bit bossy, but has a heart of gold... and several health issues that annoy me Short-term our guest bedroom would be fine, but eventually we'd probably fix up the basement. My mom lives alone near us, and she's joked that we need to save a room for her for someday, but she's not even 60 so hopefully that's far off.

As far as my kids moving out when they're adults/graduated, I tell DH that they could stay as long as they're working and contributing to the household.

DH and I bought our current house with the intention of living with his lil brother's family. There's 2 livingrooms and 2 kitchens, so we were able to live essentially apart except for the laundry room. We managed it for a year after BIL's wife's parents moved in. The "extras" were only supposed to be here temporarily but when it turned permanent with absolutely no help with the household bills, I got pissed and changed the rules on them. Now they're all on their own in their own house and can't manage to pay the bills on their own.

Now I don't think I could stand living in the same domicile as my parents or IL's. As much as I love them, I don't think I could do it.

I might consider finding a house that has an "in-law suite" so that my mother could live with us when she gets older. But it would have to be a full apartment attached to our house - bed, bath, livingroom & kitchen. (Though if that would be for my mother or for me, I haven't figured out yet.) I know that I could not live with any of my siblings, or any of my in-laws though. Honestly, I can't really live with anyone other than myself. I love my DH and girls and of course can live with them. But even going camping with my best friends that I've known for 30 years for a long weekend is too much togetherness for me. We separate at the end of the weekend and they know not to call me for at least a week & a half. Not that I don't love them, but I need my space.

Now, my mother's house is multigenerational. I have a sister that moved back home (many years ago) and a brother that never moved out. I think my mom likes having bodies in the house since my dad died. But neither one is there much anymore. At least my sister helps out even if she's not there. She took over all the utility bills (including the cable bill), and does a lot of the cooking & grocery shopping. My brother does absolutely nothing unless he's nagged until his ears bleed.

we are living with the inlaws and DH and FIL have actually talked about us all buying a much larger house together.... but they are all just talk...

In our current house, it wouldn't be ideal. Maybe down the road if there were health concerns and my kids were older.

It wouldn't be my first choice to move in with either my inlaws or my parents....but if it was the best/only solution, we could make it happen.

Although, I joke with my parents that it won't be an issue because my brother still lives with them (and may never move out!).

in the case of elderly parents, I could let my mom and step-dad live with me, maybe even my step-mom... but my dad... I'm just not sure I'd be able to live with him! I love him, but our personalities.. Thankfully, he has said that if he gets old & cripply, he wants to be put in a home.

We lived with my MIL for approximately 6 months when we sold our home and hadn't found another. It worked out ok, my MIL was fine but my SIL and neice live with her and that caused most of any minor issues we had.
I anticipate that we will have my MIL at some point in our home. She's not any where close to that yet, but she's divorced and I'm not sure she'll ever remarry so I feel she will eventually need help. I'm ok with this, I'm sure she'd rather pick one of my SIL's (her own daughters) to live with, but she's not fond of either of my BIL's...so I think we'd be the logical option.
I would love for my grandma to come live with us, we just are not in a housing situation that allows for it (not enough rooms), but since my grandpa died I've really wanted to move her in, it's not "necessary" perse but I would feel better. Could be a reality in 5 years or so.
I think as long as you set rules and boundaries and there is a clear understanding of expectations, then it can work out for some.

We live so far away from each of our families that it sounds like such a great idea.. but I am not sure how well it would work out.. but we are looking for a bigger house with a possible extra living space (room and full bath) so that my mother could possibly move with us later.. she will stay the summer with us anyway to watch Joshua... so we will get to see how we like it this summer LOL

It wouldn't be my first choice, but I could do it if needed. There would have to be some clear guidelines when it comes to discipline/food intake for the grandkids though. SO's parents let the grandkids eat all kinds of junk when they come over I wouldn't be happy if that were going on where I lived.

NOPE! I could not live with my in-laws. Their sedentary lifestyle drives me crazy after a very short time. I could live with my parents, but they are quite eccentric, so I am sure they would send my DH over the edge.

I have done this before for a few months at a time - being a military family everytime we have moved we've had to stay with either my parents or my in laws for a few months while we found a place to live... It's Ok but I much prefer to have my own things in my own house. I don't think I would mind though if my parents came to live with me lol